Monday, January 25, 2010

Things that are plain irksome!

I was just sitting here thinking about the lady at the movie theater that left the bathroom without washing her hands. Worse, she had a child trailing behind and she didn't wash her hands either. That is blatant filthiness in training! Yuck! As I mull over this scene, I am reminded of other things that just irk me to my core. Here are a few random things that really get my goat...

1. People who drive slow in the fast lane. Hello folks! There is a reason it is called the fast lane and you are not it! Move your taillights to the right!

2. Braggarts! Oh, you know who you are! You one-uppers! Everything someone says, you have to up them one. Here is the are in competition with people who are not in competition with you! Live and let live! Who gives a hoot about your gazillion accomplishments and graces? Certainly not people you have already told 10,000 times. Here is a thought...listen for a change. You might be surprised at what you hear and learn about those around you.

3. Sunday Christians. Oh, you bug me deep to my core. Just because you have accepted Jesus as your savior does not give you a right to act like a twerp everyday but Sunday. Just because Jesus forgave your sins does not mean you can continue to commit them everyday but the Sabbath. And, how about some tolerance? The last person that was perfect walked on water. If you are still swimming get a clue!

4. Dirty feet. Soap is a beautiful thing! I think if a person is going to wear sandals they should really thing about scrubbing their toes. And, it is winter...why are they wearing sandals in the first place?

5. Silver testicles hanging from pick-up trucks. What the heck? That is all I am going to say about these raunchy, tactless, heinous things.

6. People who drop the F-Bomb constantly. Um, here is a thought...GET A VOCABULARY!

7. Secret agendas. These fascinate me. I used to think that only in the world of Soap Operas could people formulate truly ludicrous plans and attempt to carry them out. People who plot to get revenge or devise schemes to bring others down...well, really, they need psychiatric help. There is just no excuse.

8. Butt cracks. In my day - oh, I sound so old! - girls didn't show butt cracks laced in thongs. Who thinks that is sexy anyway? The butt crack was sole property of the plumber. If you needed a plumber you saw the crack. I figure if he is fishing a toy out of your toilet, ill-fitting pants are the least of his worries. Girls, buy a belt or hike them up. Let's just add boxers to this category also. What is with the low-hanging pants? Why is it stylish for boys to look like they are carrying a load in their pants so heavy that their nasty old boxers show? I can't even begin to understand this.

9. Discovering my favorite jeans have been worn so much that they have a hole in the butt. Can't even do yard work in those. Yet, they still hang in my closet in hopes of some miraculous mending that is certainly beyond my skills.

10. Great books that end on the last page like a made-for-TV movie that wraps up in the last 2 minutes. I love a great plot but am annoyed with rapid-fire endings like the author simply had no other thoughts for the characters.

11. Stupid people in general. People who vote for issues without reading about them. People who go along with the majority because they can't think for themselves. People who disregard the law and do everything but bake a cake while driving their cars. People who drive drunk. People who abuse children and animals. People who laugh at the ill-fate of others. Eye rollers...those people who have no other way to express themselves than by rolling their eyes and truly believing that no one sees them do it. People who issue backhanded compliments. Like, "Oh you look so pretty for someone your size." Or, "Wow! This is a great casserole. I can't believe you made it!"

OK. Nine and 10 are a little silly. And, I know it is not my charge to change the world. I also know that I have no right to be so fully annoyed by the things above. But, sometimes things are just so incomprehensible that I find myself completely riled up. My only saving grace is my children. If not for them I would become one of the baboons of society that annoy me the most. I would become so irate that I would become an incomprehensible, stupid person. For them, I must keep it together. OK, so I don't always keep it together. But hopefully I can keep statements like "Mommy! Look at that weenie driving slow in front of us. Why doesn't he just move over?" to a minimum.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Ellie and the Toothbrush

Santa put battery operated toothbrushes in the kids' stockings this year. They were beyond thrilled! Mitchell got the hang of his toothbrush quite fast but Ellie has had trouble figuring out how much pressure to apply. She presses too hard. On hearing the gears begin to slip, I told her to not press so hard. She ignored my request and the grinding continued. I finally took the toothbrush away from her and told her I would have to start brushing her teeth again. She looked and me aghast and declared, "Mommy! You have ruin my life!"

I was quite surprised by this and said, "Ellie, I haven't ruined your life. I just took your toothbrush away."

She glared at me and said, "Fine! Then you ruined my heart!" With that she spun on her heel and walked away leaving me in stunned silence.

I wonder if this is training for the teenage years?