You Hairy!

I took an early lunch to get my chipped and peeling nails re-done. The manicurist was ferociously attacking my cuticles while I watched for signs of bleeding that unbelievably never came. As I watched her work, I noticed she was looking at me with an arched eyebrow.

"You want wax?" she asked.

"Wax?" I questioned.

"Your eyebrows. You want wax?"


"Oh! No. Thank you though. No wax today."

She then states, "You need wax. Your eyebrows have long hairs. You hairy girl."

What the? I peer into her eyes under her stubby, over-tweezed brows and again say, "No, thank you" while thinking "I really don't want eyebrows like yours."

She tsk, tsked me and shook her head and gave me a look that said, "I tried to help your face you big hairy ape! Don't come crying when you trip over your brows!"

I tried to not let her get to me but I admit that the first thing I did when I got home was inspect my brows. I found, yes, a couple stray hairs I missed in the tweeze. But, thankfully there were not hairs worthy of braids!

My blog needs mouth to mouth!

I get on a bit of a roll with my blog and then life decides to block my path. Rather than climb over the boulder of life, I take the opportunity to sit with my back against the sturdy surface. I reflect and ruminate on the boulder in my way. I get frustrated by it but there I sit. I have been doing this too much lately! I let my frustration with life overwhelm me to near paralysis. That funky state where you just get it done but don't do much extra.

I will get my run in but I won't add a step more than I need to. I will accomplish every task on my to-do list but I won't add an extra stop to check out the bestsellers at the bookstore. I will fold the laundry but leave the ironing to an extra spin in the dryer. 

In my ruminating, I feel a desire to unplug. Actually, I feel a desire to escape to a deserted tropical island with a fresh water supply and something to eat other than coconuts. This leads me to think that my life has become too busy and too often I let it be owned by others. And when I say owned by others I mean too much shuffling the kids to their activities, over-committing myself to projects that are not my own, saying, "Yes, I can do that" when I want to and should say, "Oh, heck no!" I need to recognize that my life is just that - My Life. It is mine to enjoy, to cherish, and to spend how I choose (in accordance with the law and what my tribe deems socially acceptable!) 😉

As I sit propped against this boulder I think about what makes me happy, what stresses me, and what I want in this beautiful gift of life. I don't want to run exactly 3 miles and tap out. I want to see what's hot on bookshelves near me. And, I want to press that steam button and go crazy with the spray starch on the wrinkles. 

Reflection can be a healthy indulgence once in a while but too much creates doubts, curiosities, and even depression. I think it's time for a climb...up and over. Let's see if I can get beyond this pause on my path and breathe some life back into the things I most enjoy.

Complex Thoughts in Simple Words

Yesterday, Todd and I were talking with the kids about the sacrifice of Jesus. You know, a little light-hearted, after-dinner conversation.☺️ We strive to be good Christians but recognize we have a lot to learn. We try to keep ourselves right with the Lord which keeps our moral compasses focused but we still mess up. We still find ourselves cursing under our breath and, shamefully, I still listen to gossip when I hear it.

When this topic came up, we explained to Ellie that people used to offer their best livestock for sacrifices to atone for their sins. We told her that to cover the cost of all sin for all humanity it would, naturally, take a larger offering. God chose His son, Jesus, to be that perfect human sacrifice. 

We got deep into redemption and what that means. We talked about being a child of God and what we believe that is. We walked right off the path and deep into the woods with this conversation. We were thumping on trees to see if any random thoughts would scurry out. We turned over ideas like we were turning over soil. But, before we strayed too far off course Mitchell spoke.

He said, "We continue to sin even though Jesus died for us. Isn't that like wasting is his sacrifice? I mean, he died and we sin so it's like we don't value what he did for us. We should think of that when we are tempted. We need to make sure we don't waste his life."

And...I just looked at him in wonder. I had been trying to dissect my complicated thoughts into chunks that Ellie could grasp and Mitchell just plainly and simply stated what he thought. He didn't need fancy words or grand hand gestures, he just broke it down in simple terms.

And, Ellie got it. She quickly rattled off her thoughts and the conversation was on track again. I was quiet for a moment thinking. I thought isn't it so true that we learn from our children? Isn't it amazing how pure their souls are? Kids don't get caught up in trying to explain things properly...they speak from their hearts. And, "we need to make sure we don't waste the life of Jesus" is so huge. What a complex thought in such easy terms. 

I am striving hard not to waste the sacrifice of Jesus and I am thanking the Holy Spirit for burning like a fire in the soul of my kids. I sit here wondering what I will learn next from my children. I am sure it will be something profound - these kids continue to amaze me.

And, They're Off!

We ushered the tribe off to school today. Long, lazy summer days are officially over in my neck of the woods. 

I normally do not get overly emotional on the first day of school. I find myself more excited for what the new school year holds for my kids. But, today! My goodness. When I saw my youngest skip down the road to middle school with her friends my eyes filled with tears. They eeked out of the corners of my eyes before I knew what was happening. My youngest is in 7th grade and my oldest is a freshman. Where did the years go?

What happened the littles we walked to class on the first day? What happened to the days when they not only had backpacks but lunchboxes in hand too? Gone are the 'messy hair, don't care" days. Now, when I look into my kids' faces I can see what they will look like as adults. I see their personalities and character taking form and solidifying. They are quickly becoming bigger birds that will eventually leave the nest. 

But I don't want them to leave.

I want them to stay at home where I can protect them. I want to make sure they eat balanced meals. I want to monitor their choices. I want to be one room over when their hearts are heavy and they need to talk. I want to be a part of their laughter and their joys and their sorrows. I want their lives to exceed my own in every accomplishment and victory. 

Today was the first day I felt time slipping away. It goes too fast. When my kids were in diapers wise parents would say, "They will be asking for the car keys before you know it." I looked at them with weary eyes thinking that day would never come. Now, we let Mitchell practice is driving skills on our street. 

As much as I want to hold them close forever, my job (and privilege) as their mom is to funnel as much love and wisdom into them as I can before they branch out on their own. I will always be here for them, even on days when they are off on their own. And, I will treasure their middle school and high school days. These years too shall pass...and far too quickly. 

The Bully with Short Hair

My daughter had a sleepover this past weekend with eight friends! It was a camp-out sleepover because our house is small. We had two tents in the backyard and a campfire. I slept - or rather attempted to sleep - in a hammock on our deck so I could guard against wayward raccoons and foxes. The girls watched a scary movie before bedtime so I was also the defender against any ghouls that wandered into Smokey Acres. 

I loved listening to them chat about hair and boys and music and boys and clothes and boys. As I listen to them giggling my daughter said, "Oh, my mom has the best bully story!" And, I thought, "Omigosh! Which one?" And then she said, "Remember the picture girl, Mom?" And, oh yes! I remembered that story!

When my son was not yet one, I went shopping at the local mall. I never go to the mall! The mall is my nightmare! But, I was at the mall and went into the Bath and Body Works shop to smell all the new lotions and bath gels. I was behind a display and I heard a voice at the counter. My head whipped up because I knew that raspy whine from years before. I peeked around the display and there stood my nemesis. The little pipsqueak that had tormented me in high school. She still had her snarl but she looked weak. She was far less intimidating off-campus with 14 years of life under my belt. 

The cashier was complimenting her on her hair. It was still big 80's hair but it was shorter. It was like cotton balls dipped in black and piled on her head. I heard her tell the cashier, "Oh, my hair was much longer in high school." And the cashier replied, "It must've been very pretty." And then it happened! My nemesis said, I kid you not, "Would you like to see a picture? I have my senior picture here in my wallet."

WHAT?

We graduated 14 years ago and your carry your senior picture around IN YOUR WALLET!?!? 

Well, I had seen all I needed to see. I whispered to my Mitchell, "We are all done here, buddy!" And off we went.

The girls laughed when I told them the story. I said, "There is a lesson here. Bullies are just cowards and when they get out in the real world they often don't fare well. Be good people so you can show people pictures of you and your friends...not you and your 80's hair-do."

I have thought of the moment a few times since it happened. Mostly I find it sad. I find it sad that this girl was so mean in high school and likely out of high school that she carried her own picture around in a little plastic photo case. Were her high school years her best? Did she peak in those four years? I may have suffered through those years but I am so thankful those years were not the years that defined me. I think my life began at high school graduation...it definitely was not the closing act.

Time to administer CPR!

It's a new year; a clean slate. It's definitely time to revive this lifeless blog! It's been a year and a half - gasp! - since I have written anything. It seems I have been so busy surviving that I wasn't writing. 2017 wasn't stellar. It wasn't a total loss but, admittedly, I was not sorry to see it go. I truly hope with my heart that 2018 will be a better year for my tribe. A year we can enjoy instead of endure. A year we turn the corner on financial pitfalls and see some windfalls. A year we will remember fondly and begin to miss at midnight on December 31st. 

2017 had it's moments. We spent a week in Kauai this summer. We chose birthday week when the kids and I all turn another year older in rapid fire succession. It was definitely the high point of the year. Both kids also took to stand-up jet-skiing which was a long awaited wish of my husband. We spent many weekends at the lake burning through tanks of fuel as the kids honed their skills. Todd would often just sit on the shore and watch his happy tribe with sheer joy inside. His kids enjoy something he loves and life doesn't get much better than that!

The flip-side was the typical lack of time and money. So much to do, so little time and so little cash to make it happen. The deck out front is still not built though that was the first thing on my summer to-do list. I skipped right past it and went to cleaning and purging closets and drawers. I think I dawdled a bit too much this year. Overwhelmed by the many things I needed to tackle that I ended up with my head in the sand wishing all responsibility away. This year I have a different plan. I actually have goals.

I don't make New Year's resolutions because I feel I am a continual work in progress. Instead, I make goals. This year I made SMART goals. The benefit of working in educational publishing is continual learning. Thanks to a book we publish I have learned that goals should be:

Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time-limited

My first goal is to purposely walk, run, or hike 750 miles this year. There is a goal buzzing around Facebook to do 1,000 miles. My goal slides right into the Achievable requirement. I believe I can accomplish 14.5 miles a week. Maybe next year I can try for 1,000 but I don't want to set myself up for failure right out of the gate. I want to keep moving not disappoint myself with defeat the first week. 1,000 miles would require almost 20 miles a week. While I will probably log that with the additional walking I do on campus, my goal is for the 750 miles to be purposeful. I will purposely run miles each week to attain my goal - I will not gain miles while doing something else. 

My second goal it to spend time with God each day. I do so much better in life when I am square with God. Instead of throwing prayers up to the sky and treating God like a genie, I really want to delve into my beliefs and get rooted and solid in my faith. I have not given God any respectable amount of time this year and that I something I would like to change with daily devotionals. 

My third and final goal - so far - is to achieve my sales goal this year at work. This year will close as my second miss in as many years. The reps I work with are very focused on selling the portion of the list I don't cover so I need to work extra hard this year to make my list more relevant to them. I also need to take the initiative and work accounts where I see opportunities. Higher education is a changing industry but I do believe we are doing good work in educating the future. Students need to be challenged and not spoon-fed. I never want to have surgery performed by someone that learned medicine from accessible material. I want them to have been challenged and to have prevailed. 

So that's where I stand on this third day of 2018. I raise my coffee cup in cheers and hope that it is a good one!

Time to live - Time to thrive!

I have noticed lately that it seems many people simply exist. We no longer thrive - we muddle through. We worry about bills. We worry about tomorrow's problems which may never come. We go to jobs we are not passionate about. We make meals to fill bellies but not to experience cuisine. We shuffle the kids to activities and parties. We clean the house and fold the laundry. We busy ourselves with chores and obligations.

Then, once in a great while, we live. We do something we truly enjoy. We take a vacation or finish a great book. We spend a carefree day with the family on the lake. We eat a meal that truly must be savored. We explore a cave or hike a peak. We thrive. We alert our senses to sounds and smells around us. We live.

Why do we do this? If we get one chance at this great gift called life...why do we waste it? 

Yes - we need to pay bills but why not find work that we enjoy? Work that empowers us and satisfies us. Work that is not dreaded on Monday mornings but looked forward to. 

Yes - we have to feed ourselves but why not make meals that nourish our bodies and tickle our taste buds? In the hours we twiddle away on nothingness why not make a casserole and freeze it for a meal later in the week? Why not experiment with bright colored vegetables and fun-shaped pasta? Why are meals just meals and not an event?

Yes - we have obligations but it is also okay to say "no." No, we can't make that birthday party. No, we cannot commit to another weekend event. No, no, no!

No - we can no longer live mundane lives. Why would we want to anyway? I want to live. I want to thrive. I want to re-work my existence. I want to re-plan my route. I want to take the road less traveled and see what it has to offer. I no longer what to waste the dash between the day I arrived and the day I depart. I don't want to exist but rather I want to live.