Saturday, September 27, 2008

I Bonked!

For the third time in my years of running varied numbers of miles I bonked. I hit the wall. My mind said, "No more!" And, my body went kerplunk!

My first experience with the wall occurred while training for my marathon in 1999. During a 16-mile run I was hit with pace-wrecking fatigue. No longer would my legs take the strides I needed to complete my run. I was done. Crushingly done.

My second experience with the wall was during my last 1/2 marathon in November of 2007. I ran 8 miles strong and steady. I felt good. I felt that, though my pace was slower than I had hoped, I was going to knock out the last 5 miles with minimal pain. Then BAM! I was done. I wanted to scream! I wanted to cry! Mostly I wanted to call my dear hubs and have him pick me up and cart me home. I ran/walked...well, stumble/walked...those last, horrid 5 miles. I throbbed with pain as I crossed the finish line. I remember asking Todd why I was the only one hunched over and fretting for Ibuprofen. He was so dear and said, "You finished. Congratulations."

So today, what happened? I have no idea. I set out for 10 miles. I ran the first three like a breeze. My pace was quick, my mind was ticking. About 4 miles in I began to get a bit concerned. At 4 1/2 miles I was done. I hung my head and silently cursed myself. I was so upset with me! Then, something happened. I realized, with a great blow, that I just ran 4 1/2 miles. I ran on my own two feet, by my own sheer will. No, I didn't reach my goal for the day. But, I will reach my goal for the race. I have been so blessed with the ability and desire to run. Yes, I had a bad run, but I didn't have a bad day. I bonked, but I recovered. So I changed my thought. Instead of berating myself for only knocking out 4 1/2 miles I am delighted because today I ran 4 1/2 miles!


zenmom said...

You are so enlightened! :)

Congratulations on your 4.0 miles!

As I've said before: Expectations are the enemy of happiness. 4.5 only seems "small" when you hold it up next to the "expectation" of 10.

As you said, when you throw out the expectation of what SHOULD BE, that is when you can truly feel the happiness of WHAT IS. :)

I'm so proud to have such a wise friend. :)

simplyme said...

You are the guru of wise! You are so right that expectations are the enemy of happiness. I am woking on feeling the happiness associated with "what is" so I don't waste a moment wanted something that "could be." Life in the here and now is a treasure.