One thing I am totally self-conscious about is my overbite. It is a dosey. I have to keep myself in check because if I ever let myself go slack-jaw with boredom I get a look of complete, "DUR!" It was the thing the "Mean Girls" in high school picked on. It is one of those quirky attributes I should embrace, like the bump on my nose, but I am not there yet...even after 35 years!
So I go to pick up my children from preschool. While I am waiting for them to gather up all their gear I look up and see Katie is making a beeline for me. Katie is an inquisitive little pip who tells me her name every time I see her.
"My name is Katie."
"What's your name?"
"My name is Jennifer."
"Jenfur?" she looks at me puzzled. "I thought you were Mitchell's mommy."
"Well, I am, but my actual name is Jennifer."
"Hmmm...Why are you Mitchell's mommy?"
Good gracious! "Well, I guess I am Mitchell's mommy because God wanted me to be his mommy."
"Hmmmm..." She seems satisfied with that answer but begins to hone in on my face. I think she must see a booger or something. I wait with dread...what is she going to say? And, then she spills it... "What's wrong with you teeth?"
"Excuse me?" I feel myself get hot. We have a mean girl in-training here!
"Your teeth. What's wrong with them?"
"I don't think anything is wrong with them." I squirm under the intense questioning. Where are my children? I start to look around.
"Why do they stick out like that?"
"They don't stick out." Total lie. It is obvious they do. But, really, it is just mean to point out.
"Yeah, like this..." And that evil child does an amazing beaver impersonation.
I think I have flashbacks to high school. I may even have lost consciousness for moment. When I regain my composure I kneel down to little Katie's level and I say, "My teeth stick out Katie so that I can bite things. All kinds of things." She looks at me like I have sprouted a third eyeball and she backs away. Thankfully, my children arrive in a screaming fury at their delight that Mommy-with-the-big-honking-teeth has come to take them home.
I am sure little Katie will mention me in therapy years from now. She probably has dreams of enormous teeth chasing her around. For now, she will likely continue to stare at me from a distance...in total awe of my big teeth. Though I doubt she will, but should she ever question me again I may have to add in a little growl for the full effect!