Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Decisions, Decisions

I am a terrible decision maker. I don't want to inconvenience anyone or appear aggressive so when decision making times comes around I try to defer to others. I am the master of deference. This is truly a weakness of mine. 

I don't toil over decisions that need to be made with respect to my job. In my mind, my job is pretty cut and dry. I am not as worried about stepping on toes or outlining a very black and white plan for a customer. I know what needs to happen and what can happen with respect to work. It is my personal life that harbors the decision making weakness.

Unfortunately, I am a known softie. I am a people-pleaser. I don't want people to be upset with me or not like me. When I have asserted myself after allowing myself to be stepped on one to many times the offender will look at me like "geez. What's her problem!"

And there's the rub.

I know I need to declare, "I want to eat at The Yard House!" when my husband asks where we should have dinner. I know I need to say, "No" when someone asks if I can assist them with some project that has no bearing on my existence. I know I need to say, "Thank you so much for the invitation but I have another commitment" instead of attempting to cram everything into one afternoon.

And, seriously. How happy would my friends and family be if I could just say this is what I think; this is what I want to do; this is my decision. After I picked them off the floor from fainting, they would probably be thrilled!

I know I put too much weight on decisions. I over think them and fret about making the wrong decisions. I once heard a speaker say we are all one decision away from ruining our lives. I think he was referring to choosing to drive drunk or get get high but, unfortunately, I have pondered that statement until it cannot be pondered anymore. I have wondered, "Is this the decision that could ruin my life? Oh no wait. This is just choosing to eat at Taco Bell."

I have looked back on past choices and thought, "Snap! I wish I could re-do that one." Like when I sold my first house. If I had rented it and hung on to it for just a few more months I could have sold it for $125K more that I did. Seriously. The people that bought the house from me surely laughed all the way to the bank a few short months later. 

It is the fear of bad decisions and upsetting others that cause me so much useless angst. I should just pony up and say this is who I am and this is my decision. But, oh! That might make someone unhappy! I know, I know. I am 40 years old! I need to get over it. I guess the first step is deciding to get over it...and we all know how that's going to work out!

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